The Experiment

Finally got my appointment with consultant for Monday at 2. So until then I have a plan. I need to tell him what is going on with me when I am trying to get back to some sort of normal. That means doing a few jobs round the house, doing a bit of cooking and trying to do some work. I know that I won't be in pain if I am sitting on my tush and resting but that isn't real life.

The Results So Far

Yesterday: Sat at my desk and did some work for about three- four hours with a lunch break.
Went for a 10 minute walk.
Did my exercises.
Made a bit of kedgeree from some leftover salmon.
Result- by 7.30 pm was in pain and had to take painkillers and had go to bed. Watched A Mighty Heart.
Today: Did a bit of cooking, made roasted carrots and sweet potatoes and a challa pudding with ginger and apricots. By 12.30 was feeling neuropathic pain in shins and had to sit and rest. Wobbled quite a lot while standing.

Drove for 1st time to have nails done. Not a good idea, could feel nerve pulling all the way down my leg. Drove back via Morrisons to get some money from ATM. By time I got home I was in a lot of pain. Spoke to David and he wanted me to do a job concerning the car insurance. The file he needed was on a shelf above his desk and I had to reach up to get it, it was really painful and I couldn't find the file he wanted, he started yelling at me and I just burst into tears. He hates it when I cry, especially if he's driving and he was getting upset too, not a good idea when he was travelling down to Milton Keynes for an important meeting with Argos.

After I put the phone down I just howled, tears of pain and frustration. I just want to get my old life back or even half of it would be nice but I guess its not going to be for quite some time. It's so hard to concentrate on anything when I am in pain which is why I've not been able to work for such a long time. I sometimes feel that I am so alone with it, I know I could ring any one of my friends, but everyone is busy and I just have to deal with this myself and pull myself together. Right now I just need someone to put their arms round me, comfort me and tell me that it's going to be alright.